thats country son

just when i get tired and worn out, i have a day like this. where i wake up at 5 in the morning and work til 4. im just worn out in every since of the word. i wish i had more positives in my life. like calling home, which is so wonderful and terribly depressing at the same time. its so easy for me to get melancholy because i have an even greater ability to reminiscence. with a smell i can be taken back to anywhere. with the slightest breeze i can go back to summers as a kid. with a time of day or at dusk i can be taken to feelings of coming back home from where ever. especially during the fall i can walk outside feel the cool air with leaves falling, i really can feel certain situations i had growing up. i think the worst thing about the past 5 years of my life is that i won't have any of those feelings at all to speak of and or feel.

“Our lives passed away like . . . unto us a dream” (Jacob 7:26)






Pleasure turns to the pain, Of the lessons learned from the strain Of the questions burned in my brain, About whether to love is humane in its touch. These thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit. Fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions. Chaotic because the anchor of Eros' arrow has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation. Separation not as simple as the distance between us My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies. The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared. Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside to gush out like a river, Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if it were a child being taken from his mother's arms. I'm left surrounded in darkness but I refuse to be swallowed by it. My loneliness like the night air. Invisible to the eye, obvious to the touch, In its cold uncomfortableness Yet if I could do it all over again, I'd do it in the same skin I'm in. To lay down and let love die, Just stay down and let love lie, No, no, not I. I'll stay 'round and let love fly, Even though I have seen its darkest form, deceit. Nothing else could taste this warm or feel this sweet.