Tales of the Jazz age

Somehow you are supposed to take the good with the bad. Somehow i feel way to old for my age. Glancing back at the past relationships I've had. Romantic or friendly. my better friends, the ones I've adored the most have been older ones. the lack of any romance in my life is some what depressing. every relationship I've been in the past 5 years has been based off this, "well you can either be alone or not."

now I'm home, living a life i can't stand. My father is 4 times as immature as i am. My mother looks for me for answers. For instance today, i was going to help my cousin move into her new apartment. my dad and i go back and forth, loading and unloading furniture, meanwhile during every drip he smokes a cigarette. why depressing? Cause I hide my suit in my truck so my dad doesn't smoke near it and give it that grotesque odor. I'm sure now it stinks after 6 cigarettes.

my mother took control over moving my cousins belongings. OR SO SHE THOUGHT. With both of them telling us different things about where things go it'll drive any man crazy. after 30 minutes of moving heavy furniture around, i gave up on listening to my mother( cause its not her apt. its not her daughter, its not even her stuff). but the damage was done. For the past 2 weeks I've been sick. Today is the FIRST DAY I've left the house, not for church or for medicine. my body is weak and after moving this furniture, my back is thrown out and hurts to bend over or twist or move. So while this is going on the Elders are looking for me to come help them. I told my mom i had things to do, but they took forever. showing little care for me. after 4:30 i called the elders and told them i couldn't make it. at this point i started to feel upset.

Next thing to happen is my mom, my grandma, and my cousin want me and my dad to go get one last thing. I don't mind helping, i love my cousin to death. I love her son. He's my nephew and i will do anything for them. thats about the only reason why i stayed. my grandma is just old and senile, so i don't mind her at all. I caught her laughing at me moving things, and i asked her why are you laughing at me? and she continued to giggle for no reason. She's old and knows no better and i don't mind. my mother is post menopause, she gets upset at everything. With the combonation of them all and how i'm being treated by them all, my dad, and my brother(who i haven't mentioned sitting down the entire time barely doing anything. Finally after the last piece of furniture was put into place, my mom gets an idea (i know horrible! )

OH James go get!......

that's all i had to hear to lose my nerve. especially 2 minutes after telling them that my back really hurts. With having no life for 3 weeks, my suit smelling horrid, my back throbbing with pain. I don't understand why I'm treated this way by people i love.

they all going to ask why are you leaving on a mission? besides the obvious reasons of what i believe, what i truly love with my heart and spirit for others and the our savior. one thing stands out which fuels my unwavering want to serve is why not? i don't have real home or place of belonging anyways besides serving.