things play out oddly, i've come to the conclusion that life sucks, oh well i got over it. i've gotten over the small bad things. i love the small good things that get me through everyday. i can't seem to figure out other people and everyone else around me. the petty fighting, the annoying habits, boys that are boys, and girls that are girls.
but right to the point of it all, it has been years since on some wave length connected with a girl. out of the small crowd that is here i finally notice someone that is different and special. i can see it plainly, the best thing is no one has ever seen it. she complains that she never gets any dates out in Provo. which makes a lot of sense but i let her know how i see her. in a very nice and sweet way. but timing is never my thing, this was back in December, of course i let her know as often as i could that i couldn't wait for her to get back from byu. as time grew, she never said how she felt about me, but when I INITIATED that i wanted to do anything with her she was excited. as February or so rolled around we managed to lose contact based on i never got any responses back from her. i didn't fret or get upset. i know she had a lot of studying to do trying to be a veterinarian. as the summer got closer i figured at least once she'd eventually tell me when she was coming back. the day i went to the temple i heard she was back in town. after the temple, there was a reception for one of her friends that got married at the temple that day. i crashed it to go see her, we hung out, danced once or twice and whatever. she seemed to avoid me, if i wasn't dancing. pretty weak. she said "she would be busy." i called her a few days later and still nothing. so i waited for some kind of word from her. but nothing, so now i come to find out she lives in Savannah which is an hour away not a big deal. but the total lack of care for any interest in me, well got me discouraged for a few moments. but after going to work today i realized whatever. i don't see how anyone can be with someone who is still scared to open up and share any type of feeling and be vulnerable in no way. it is very easy for me to turn the page on feelings now, which scares me alot. alot. alot.
i mean i just have alot to share with someone, i'm scared to show any of my feelings really. i just don't want anything to go to waste. i went through along period of my life completely numb without any feelings. I HATED MY LIFE then. i really did. i wasn't fair to anyone. i was dead on the inside. now i feel i have matured to a place where i'm full of potential goodness, i just wish to share but i feel so limited. if i could just let a small bit of it show, in anyway, it really is the only way i feel satisfied with my life at all.
by telling her that she was beautiful in my eyes, makes me feel better. even if she does nothing in return. my problem seems less complex.
this is the second song i've posted dealing with having a son. i dream about mine a lot
"how would it feel if i could change your life?"
"how would you do that?"
"ill be dedicated to making your life happy.
you are the kind of girl that fits
into my world"
