ok Bonny

You've had a hard time understanding me for a while. its really gotten to me. but it was hard for many reasons. mainly cause i'm going to serve a mission and any feelings i had became less important. but i've decided to just write it down and avoid anything now. but any way i should be out on my mission. having fun being a tool for the lord. i know its much more than that. but i'm going to keep this as simple as possible. I'm not typing this while i'm on my mission. I have typed this before hand while i'm allowed to think and dwell on this subject. I'm not sure how to start talking about my feelings with you but i'll just get into it. When I got baptized I really didn't know what i was getting into. When I was going through the lessons I can remember knowing questions i always had being answered. I really had no way of understanding what i really needed to do to be a member of the church. I was surrounded in an environment i couldn't handle. I was dating you and i had the truest purest feelings in my heart for you. it ended horrible. but it was necessary obviously but i had to make it a one on one relationship. I had to make the choice for myself. When i did it opened up so many doors. as you know all the wonderful things that you get for being obedient. As time passed I started to realize other things about Heavenly Fathers plan for me.
So many chances happened for things to work out they way they do. When i was 15 and i had such bad anxiety. I was curious about the plan of salvation or in a limited terms i was worried about dying. My heart was broken cause I was terrified of dying. i had no idea what would happen. I remember crying and crying for weeks. I'd come home from school and just sulk in my bed. I saw a movie that changed the way i perceived life. it summed up all the negative things in this world and how i despised it. i hoped for something more. in some way my worries of death disappeared.
Before we met i decided to join the marines. the principal reason being I wanted a big family. a family like my grandpa had. he had a great wife


with all this said, i'm stuck on you. i can't get the sound of you out of my head. i've tried so many things. i've even tried not trying. still at the end of everyday you have always stuck out. everytime i were to move on and would be some one succesful i'd end up with in my life in some way. Its funny how you end up back into my mind. so many times i'd be teaching or listening to the gospel and you would come back into my thoughts. or how every wonderful song i hear i'll be interested in what the words are saying. i'll look them up and they'll be about someone you can't get over or some pleading for a second chance or just being in love.